Perhaps I am bi-polar by design?
Who am I? Am I a health and fitness professional who likes to write? Or am I a writer who likes to be healthy and fit? One day I’m one; the next day I am the other. Can’t I just “arrive” already?
Today’s answer is no. Every time I land in one camp I am propelled toward the other. When I move, I think of all the things that need writing about. When I write, all the people come to mind who have dreams I might help them meet. In other words, I am caught in a vicious cycle. Well, not vicious, more like perpetual.
Perhaps this is because I am the same in each camp. My identity remains the same. The person I was created to be just circulates between viewpoints. Continuously. And, just so I don’t get too comfortable in one realm, the minute I snuggle on in, I get these pings. Toward the other.
It feels very much, as I come to write about it (yes), as if I am in orbit around two large planets, each with their own gravitational pulls. As I approach one, I am drawn into its orbit and slow in my revolution but then, when I emerge from the ‘dark side’ I see the other planet and I am sling-shotted toward it… where I experience the same pull and the same slow and the same slingshot. I am caught in a celestial oval.
That’s not a bad thing I guess. I am moving, churning, passionately competing. All, while slowing on the turns and sprinting the straightaways. And each time friction or gravity threatens to claim me, I am launched again. Fast and furious. Full of ideas and energy.
Then I slow again. To consider, study, perform, delve.
Imagine, I’ve spent all these years trying to decide what I would be when I grow up and God has split me in two. Both of them me. Fully me. Propulsion, it seems, He has designed into the equation.
Don’t ask me the equation. I was never much good at physics.