There I am, in all His glory.

Funny, when the book needed an author photo, I thought, really, who would want to see me on the cover of this thing? But it’s a coaching and fitness book, and don’t you want to know who you’re taking advice from? Does she look like she practices what she preaches? Can you trust her? Would you want to get to know her?

So, there I am, with the high intensity lights shining on me, the background screen fixed just so. Tilt your head this way, says Mark the photographer. Look that way. Cross your arms. Now, that did it, because give me a defiant posture and I’m on.

All the while I’m thinking, this photo will go on the work You are doing in me, Lord. How can I possibly say that in how I look? Will your light shine when all I see now are spotlights and all I’m hearing is instructions?

It was a nice day so we moved outside. And wouldn’t you know there was a soccer field just down the hill, so we traipsed over there, past the middle-aged guy playing his guitar in the parking lot, by himself, to an empty soccer field. Now, we have a new source of light, the sun. But instead of au naturel, we will be using a large reflective screen that looks very much like the one I put in my car window on very hot days. My photographer’s assistant positions herself to reflect the light of the sun onto me, standing alone on an old soccer field, and Mark clicks away.

I worry out loud. You know my eyes tend to close when I smile, especially the right one. Try not to get my pants, they don’t match my shirt. And sneakers! Why didn’t I didn’t think to bring my turf shoes? Or a ball? Thank goodness they have a ball.

I don’t actually see what the photographer sees. I see me, the me who really doesn’t belong on a book jacket, who can’t believe she has hired a professional to take her photo and is right now at a photo shoot like some kind of movie star.

“Oh, I can open up your eyes later,” Mark tells me, “and air brush out the pants.”

Really? He can take away the imperfections?

It’s amazing how just knowing that takes away your reluctance and shelves your inhibitions. This guy is going to make me look just right! No external assurances, no ‘oh, you look fine’s’  or ‘don’t worry about it, people won’t notice’s’ or ‘you’re just being silly’s’  would have done to me in that moment what his words did. His ‘I will perfect you’ released what was inside of me to be just me. Nothing else would have done it and yet, it’s the promise we all have and the gift we are all offered.

I’ll touch up later what’s not quite perfect yet. Trusting that is what gets us ever so close to what He intends for our now.