Bringing Faith to Life
Archive for August, 2012
Keeping My Eye on the Ball
2There’s a picture in my high school year book, senior year, of me connecting bat to softball. I am recorded for the ages in my blue and white Sherwood Warriors uniform, applying a mighty swing. The funny thing is, I am not looking at the ball. I am looking off into center field where I hope to hit it. The caption reads, “Wendy Rilling taps ball in front of plate.”
Yep. I think I beat that one out for a single, but it was not one of my better at bats. In fact, by high school, I didn’t have “the feel” for hitting like I did when I was a bit younger. Curiously, this photo probably holds the answer to why…I was trying to hit by feel, not by sight.
I guess I have always been kinesthetic, probably made that way. But I wonder how often this prohibits me from really succeeding. What if I truly attended to the thing I was doing? If I trained my eyes on the one thing in my hands. And wasn’t so often looking into the distance to see what might become of my effort. What if I just gave the day its day? the moment its moment?
Two hands and both eyes trained on what the Lord requires of me right now.
I know the Bible says we’re supposed to walk by faith and not sight, but blind faith – at least for me – is not usually a good combination.
PS…
Here’s Rosy in her bath:
Rosy enjoying a rinseWhat if the Lord is Waiting on Me?
0Oswald Chambers writes for today, “Once you have the right relationship with God through salvation and sanctification, remember that whatever your circumstances may be, you have been placed in them by God. And God uses the reaction of your life to your circumstances to fulfill His purpose, as long as you continue to “walk in the light as He is in the light.” (1 John 1:7)
It’s funny, but I feel like I make all the decisions around here. I have a day-timer calendar and a to-do list. I schedule what will happen in my day and then um, get some of it accomplished. No, I didn’t say I accomplish all I decide. Just I do what I darn well decide to.
But some days I wonder whether God is waiting for me to take action on one particular thing before He hands me another. Sort of like he has my life all queued up, ready to move forward as soon as I overcome my inertia.
This occurs to me on days when I get to something I have been putting off, or something I have prayed about, or something I know I need to do. Then, right as I write the card or make the call of hit send on the email, a new opportunity happens. It might be a phone call or an email or a friend walking by. Or it may just be an “interruption” that would have distracted me but for the perfect timing.
But it just makes me wonder. About the timing of things. And who really is in charge.
From there I leap to this: if nothing seems to be happening in my life – nothing that inspires, no directional signs appearing – perhaps God is waiting. Waiting for me. Before He opens the door to the next thing.
I know. This goes against our “wait upon the Lord” mantra. But I see us a sort of team. He lets me think I am in charge. But actually, His plan is unfolding perfectly. Just paced by my willingness to let it.
I have been getting the nudge to wash the dog today. I think I will. I’ll share photos.
Economic Movement, Automatic for the Uninitiated but not for the Rest of Us
1Did you know that you can become a better runner just by running more?
That’s what this article says. It came into my Google reader inbox this morning. It was reporting on the results from a training program for beginning women runners that had been published in Medicine and Science in Sports and Exercise.
Is this new news? Actually, ironically, yes. Because these women didn’t become better trained (they weren’t more fit at the end of 10 weeks than they were at the beginning, poor things), but they became more efficient runners. Their bodies, in response to the continuous and repetitive motion of running, taught themselves to run in a more energy-saving, more kinetically sound way. One wonders if the body, in survival mode, says “Oh my goodness. what we doing out here? Better snap to!”
So, of course, I had to try this out on the roads. I laced up my running sneakers and jogged on out the door. I’ve logged lots of miles on the roads. Would these hips, knees, legs, feet become more cooperative if I just left them alone to do what they knew how to do without my interruption?
This idea made me think of a book I was fascinated by many years ago called, The Inner Game of Tennis, by Timothy Gallwey. He’s still coaching and teaching the inner game. Gallwey posits that our bodies know how to accomplished what we want them to do, but our thinking/trying gets in the way. I was on the high school tennis team when I first read the book so I tried several of his focus/performance drills on the court. I was never a consistent server and the harder I tried, the worse I got. Gallwey’s drill had you put an empty can of tennis balls in the corner of the service box. Then, you just started serving. You saw the can but you didn’t aim for it. I hit it three times in a row.
So, there’s something to this, letting the body do things on its own. But can my body find a better balanced, biomechanically sound running stride? Sadly, not today. For me, here was why:
- strength and flexibility imbalances – compensation happens but it means my hips sway wide left to compensate for my still weak left hamstrings (result: functional, not efficient)
- old injuries/surgeries that have reduced my sensation or created a right to left imbalance – my right foot is stiffer than my left
- bad habits – years of running have ingrained movement patterns that are chunked. I have taught myself “bad” habits and they are now what I default to.
So, I respectfully disagree with the conclusions of this article. More doesn’t mean more efficient for most of us. It does, I expect, kick us into survival mode. And the body definitely knows how to do that.
Funny, survival looked a lot different when I was in high school and my big worry was whether my tennis serve landed in the service box.
Now, going through the motions, even with a laser focus, will not put me on target. Intention and awareness of my imbalances and bad habits will likely yield a whole better approach.
As for the young and uninitiated…the beginning runners I can influence…there is a clean slate I can work with. Hey, it worked for me at 17. I must remember that external instruction is not closely related to performance. It has much more to do with a realistic belief in themselves – and a whole lot of hours on the court, the field or in the pool.
Can’t Fake Nice
2Last weekend I was at an event – okay, a crazy event. It was unlike anything I have ever done. I’m a little embarrassed to admit it here, being that the title of the blog advertises that I am a Christian, but I was at a Vampire Diaries convention. Okay, I’ve said it. Now I feel better. Vampires are, after all, eternal beings raised imperishable. But I will save reflections on that for another post.
I was there with my teenaged daughter. She (and I) really love the show, albeit for very different reasons. Anyway. These conventions are (apparently) designed for young women to come and adore their tv idols. Yes, idol worship at its most cultural. Politely. We were instructed that, upon coming face to face for autographs and “photo ops,” we were not to “hug them, tell personal stories or tell them that we loved them. After all, that’s why we’re all here.” So, it was to be a hands off, mouth shut, take your turn kind of star exposure experience. We bought the cheap seats which, let me tell you, are not cheap.
We had a “preferred Sunday” seat. I didn’t really know what that entitled us to so I wandered past the administrative table in the main foyer to see if anyone could clear that up for me. It was early, 20 minutes or so before check in/registration time, but I am an early riser. My daughter, however, wanted to sleep as long as possible. So this was a search mission – to see how late I could let her sleep based on our “ticket category designated entry time.” All I needed to know was whether we qualified for the autograph session. At stake (pardon the pun) was 2 precious hours of sleep that she would exchange for a personal autograph if she could.
There was no one at the admin table. No literature – except a schedule of events. No signage – except the event posters. I needed some help. At that moment, 3 admin people started to arrive and put down their briefcases, pull out their paperwork and colorful tickets. They were grim-faced. They had likely been there all day yesterday and who knows how many hours they had given to planning and prep? It was early, still 20 minutes or so until the day’s registration kick-off. Still, all I had was a simple question.
I sidled politely up to the table and one woman sort of glanced in my direction with a pained, “go away” expression. “Registration will be open in a few minutes,” she said. Her voice was light, administrative, dismissing. I didn’t want to regisiter. Just to ask a quick question.
I hazarded, “Can I just ask something quickly?”
So call me pushy or just inquisitive. I could come back later, but I was here now. It was quick question. I was the customer here…
She could simply have said, “We open at 8. Please come back after we set up” or even “I’m sorry, you’ll have to wait until 8 like everyone else.” But she didn’t. She said, “Of course, I’m happy to answer your question,” with the nastiest sarcastic tone accompanied by the sourest of faces and stiffness of body posture as she turned to me.
I looked at her face and I immediately buckled. “I’ll just come back after you’re set up.”
Her lips curled upward in what might pass as an attempt at a smile as she hissed, “Thank you.”
As I left, my mind progressed through three things:
- In the time it took her to be rude, she could have easily answered my question.
- If she had set and stuck to her boundaries (“Happy to answer your question at 8”), we all could have shaken hands and parted on an even keel.
- Body language and facial expression communicate so much more than words do. When the two are in conflict, we can always tell which one is lying.
She reminded me of a wonderful teaching of Jesus. To purify our hearts before speaking our minds, because the one always divulges the other.
I did go back at 8 and got my question answered. No autographs for the cheap seats. But, over breakfast, I got talking with a woman and her son who, it turned out, had an extra “preferred ticket” they wouldn’t be using. Would I like it to get my daughter in for the autographs? You bet. Thank you!
Ah, the best things in life are free. It’s the lessons that are the most expensive.
When I redeemed the gift ticket, the admin woman was rolling through registration. “Have a great day,” I told her. And meant it. She gave me smile that looked genuine and said, “Thank you!”
I don’t think she recognized me, but you never know. These people are in the entertainment business.
I am a Christian because….How Would You Fill in the Blank?
212 years
For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. ~ John 3:16
I’ve read it perhaps hundreds of times. Heard it read probably hundreds more. So why, when I hear the scripture for the day spoken in 6 languages, am I mesmerized? When it is completed with “The word of God for the people of God” and we reply, “Thanks be to God,” why am I reduced to tears? (to listen, click here)
Perhaps because it helps me imagine the miracle of Pentecost. (Acts 2: 1-8) I’ve always been intrigued by the events of that day. When a bunch of folks from podunk Galilee were licked by “tongues of fire” and suddenly started speaking in other peoples’ languages.
I’m one of those whoa! how did God do that? kind of Christians. You know, the kind that asks questions like, did He actually cause them to speak in new languages? Or did he change the ears of the listeners so they could hear it in their own language? Did the disciples know they were speaking in new languages? If so, did it surprise them? Or did the the author of the Book of Acts just make all this up because it was a cool story and a nice reversal of what happened at the tower of Babel?
I’m a question-asker. So, when someone else (like my Pastor) asks a question, it gets me wondering how I would answer. During worship Tom asked us to fill in the blank:
“I am a Christian because…….”
Now, Tom expanded a bit on this …as Tom will. He seemed to break it down into:
- I came to know Christ in __________.
- I continue in Christ because __________.
- I’m sustained in Christ by __________.
Funny how talking about God seems to happen over time and in three parts. Perhaps this speaks to me because I find that my faith in Christ is a moving target, a dynamic organism. This may also be because I am a question-asker. I’m never quite satisfied with the answer. There is always another question. Perhaps that’s my native tongue – Query. But here goes.
- I came to know Christ in the company of fellow Disciple Bible study class members who honestly welcomed the questions I brought to the faith which I did not yet know.
- I continue in Christ because my daily life is a constant reminder that I need saving, and try as I might, I can’t do that for myself. ‘Saved’ does not feel safe or finished.
- I am sustained in Christ by my experience in devotions, in Bible study, in serving and in worship where God continuously makes Himself known. It’s like a perpetual game of hide and seek where I’m always “it” and He lets me find Him every time.
God knows I love a good game and a good Q and A session.
Someone once told me that when a teacher or lecturer asks, “Are there any questions?” that’s really code for “I want to move on to the next topic.” Funny, huh? I find a lot of truth there, having spent some years as a teacher. I suspect God would probably rather say to me, “Wendy, we need to move on” but instead He is infinitely patient in offering to show me …again.
He’s probably waiting for the lightbulb over my head to come on. We have come such a long way since fire.
Standing Behind her As She Takes the Field
0This morning my daughter took the field with a new soccer team. We have made many such changes over the years. New teams. New schools. New friends. Change is our norm. In fact, change seems the only reliable thing. And that can be exhausting.
But each time she launches I hope. Today, I await the first very early pre-season tournament game from the shelter and quiet of my SUV. To that let me add that it has started to sprinkle. Ah, in the movies, rain always means change. From my back seat position I close my eyes to pray, but I am not sure what to say to the Lord about this. What is the “right” prayer?
I can’t make the team right for her.
I can’t give her the right attitude or the right skills.
I can’t give her friendships with teammates or relationships with coaches.
All these I would like to give her, but they are not mine to give. And, at the moment, they don’t even seem the right things to ask for in prayer. I am not a player in that game. At nearly 16 my daughter must take charge of this asking. God’ll speak to her about this, not to me.
So I sit, full of incomplete prayer sentences. A fill in the blank sort of prayer experience. “Lord, provide the opportunity for me to …” To what?
I shorten this to, “Lord…opportunity.” And it seems a very much better way to pray. I thank the Holy Spirit who is my Holy Translator.
May I enter this day with newly opened eyes and a wider vision. I’m expecting. Perhaps that’s what pregnancy is meant to teach us mothers. Nine months of learning what it means to wait for the miracle to come. And to keep coming.
“Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.” ~ Hebrew 11:1
Changing Habits – Harder and Easier than We Think
0Change is hard. We are used to what we do. Oh, we may think we’d like a change – because we’re bored or unhappy or because things aren’t going well or because we KNOW there must be a better way to do this – but actually making the change is difficult. If you don’t believe me, try putting the toilet paper roll on going the opposite direction and see how long it takes to get used to that.
Generally, when I look to change something because I am dissatisfied, what I really want is for them to change or for circumstances to change. I don’t want to make a change in me. I am comfortable doing what I’m doing.
Why is it so difficult to change – even when I know I should, even when it would pay big dividends if I did? Part of this is because we are designed this way. We are built to be stable. Not just balanced and symmetrical on the outside, but completely unconsciously to seek homeostasis on the inside. Our physiological systems are designed to turn themselves up if we need more of something and turn themselves down when we need less. The perfect regulation of this system rests on pinpoint sensitivity and constant and immediate responsiveness.
Okay, that makes sense. Putting our heart rate and temperature and hormones on autopilot is a necessity. But what about my actions and behaviors? That’s what I am having trouble with – and what I should be able to control.
This got me thinking about chunking. No, not chunky. Chunking. This is what they (those science text book authors) call patterned behaviors that you initiate and then complete without thinking about the rest of the movement. Like, when you go to type your name on the computer keyboard. (You don’t need a keyboard to try it.) You don’t hunt and peck each letter. It’s one smooth flourish of movement. The same thing happens when you reach to pick something up to toss it in the trash. It’s one motion…even if you miss picking it up your arm still continues to the toss. Even when you KNOW you missed, you don’t stop. The whole motion has been activated as a pattern.
This is adaptive. Part of our human design. We do lots of stuff, literally, without thinking.
So, maybe this is part of the reason our behaviors are so hard to uproot. While they may not be hard-wired, they are nested in patterns. To change them we need to uproot all those steps we have stored with them.
This may sound far-fetched, but I’m not so sure when I think about my routines…the coffee and ‘chini bread I “need” to have near me in the morning reading session. The warm up I “need” before I can really get going to write. The direction I turn when I enter the store. The aisle I choose when I look for my seat in the sanctuary.
Sure, I CAN resist all of these, but it takes intention and effort to do it. Without good reason, I will continue in my pattern. We are, after all, creatures of habit, built to conserve our energy.
But, what of patterns that are maladaptive? destructive? that take us out of balance? I suspect the most dangerous and unhealthy of these happen almost without our noticing. Certainly without our caring about them. If we did, we would upend them. Right? Or on a more positive note, what about those patterns we’d like to change because we know we’d be better if we did? After a while our behavior tracks become well-worn grooves, ruts in our road. The deeper they get the harder they are to climb out of.
Funny, I was thinking about this chunking of behaviors when I picked up the book a friend gave me titled, The Power of Habit, Why we do what we do in Life and Business, by Charles Duhigg. Turns out that people who are able to change their habits, even the most destructive ones, accomplish it by focusing on just one behavior that is a “keystone habit.” But the key is recognizing that many (they say perhaps 40%) of the things we call decisions are actually habitual behaviors in response to our circumstances and environmental cues.
So, about my problem with procrastination…what about the habits we have that stop us when we should go? that cause us NOT to do? Trying to focus on the one thing God wants me to attend to today. I am procrastinating – too many words on the blog!
Wait Up, Can You Hum a few Bars?
1So much of life yells, “Move Faster!” at me. Mostly, it is just me who is doing the yelling at me. I’m pretty sure the world is perfectly satisfied to leave me behind. Perhaps it is only my sense of self-importance that makes me want to keep up.
Lately, it’s been more of a “Move this way and this and this!” While I can on many occasions move faster in the direction I’m already going, I can’t, under any circumstances, move multiple directions at the same time. This requires a decision at the intersection.
So, as a trying-to-be-a-good Christian, I start my day with time for reading and reflection. It gives me time to get settled and centered and started. This blog is an outflow of that time. My problem is, body still or not, my mind still whirs.
I am feeling grateful today for a writer in the Upper Room (I am sorry I haven’t made note of her name) who suggested singing a hymn or song of praise before devotions. By her suggestion I have marked some songs in my, ahem, borrowed hymnal and I regularly begin there. Yep. Out loud. On my porch.
Have you ever noticed that songs are meant to be sung at a certain pace? Especially hymns. Many days I am in a rush to just get started and get through my “devotional reading,” but once I begin singing the song (for the last several weeks “my” song has been “I want to Walk as a Child of the Light” (Kathleen Thomerson, 1966)) I fall into its pace. Its rhythm. It won’t let you rush.
And once I fall into the rhythm, I am slowed to its pace.
Who can sing, “I want to walk as a child of the light. I want to follow Je-sus. God set the stars to give light to the world. The star of my life is Je–sus” quickly? For me, the images come and I am happy to bask, even momentarily, in “In Him there is no darkness at all. The night and the d-ay are both alike. The lamb is the light of the ci-ty of God. Shine in my heart Lord Je–sus.”
Not only does it slow me, but I find myself humming it on the way out to pick up the morning newspaper. Now THAT is something you need to be prepared to read.
What Do You See from Perfectly Still?
0Maybe my blurry photographs don’t mean I’m moving too fast; maybe they mean I’m being still long enough to capture the movement in the moment.
That was the intro I typed into Facebook yesterday to invite people to look at a link I shared from a Christian photography site called Sight Psalms. Here is the link.
http://sruach.tumblr.com/post/29885570960/spirit-all-creation-sings-and-sways-in-rhythm
They post photos daily, each with a brief caption on a particular theme. Their themes are scheduled and the rules for entering a post are specific and detailed. I know because I’ve looked behind the scenes at submitting a photo and text prompt. But I am no photographer. Or I am every photographer – because we, all with camera-ready cell phones in hand, are all armed as photographers.
So when I saw this “blurry” photo, it caught my attention. I have tons of those photos. Just took one this morning – of my sleeping dog. Yes, I cannot even hold the camera steady to take a still shot. I’m trying. But I don’t seem to have the knack of holding perfectly still when I click.
But it got me thinking about perfect stillness. At our house – scientists (or nerds) that we are – my daughter would say, “Well, we are always moving.” As in, the planet is rotating and we are on the planet, so everything is moving at the same speed which makes us unaware we are moving.
But, what if we were really could become perfectly still? So still we were aware of the earth’s rotation? What we did see would be a blur. Quick, someone good at math and physics, please calculate exactly how fast things are moving past our eyes…I am satisfied to consider that
“If I were perfectly still, everything else would be moving.”
If I were perfectly stilled in God, would the world just look like a blur? Hmm. And I thought it was just my aging eyesight. If I were perfectly still in God, the world would be revolving…around me. Wow. There’s an image. At the center of all movement is the point of perfect stillness. Perfect balance. Perfect perspective. All the earth’s forces would be nullified.
Gonna have to sit with that one for a while.
Sabbath in the Midst of Thinking and Doing
2Let me just set something straight. Kinesthetic does not mean kinetic.
Kinetic means constantly in motion. Something like an electron orbiting a nucleus or ants on an ant hill or small children on a playground. I find great joy in all those images, but that is not how I experience the Christian life. It is how, on some days, life feels imposed on me. But I extract myself from those situations as quickly as I can. I don’t like crowds or pushing or hurry.
I do however like motion. At my own pace. Give and take. Motion I consider and then take action on. Decided motion. This is how I experience kinesthesis in my life and in my faith. Call me cautious or shy or deliberate. You wouldn’t say I’m stalled; I am a do-er. But don’t call me impulsive; I’m a thinker. Ha! I guess you could call me maybe. 🙂 Thanks Carly Rae Jepsen. I like living in the state of maybe. Readying for what’s next. Attending to the now in anticipation of the what’s next.
I am sometimes guilty of doing a bit too much preparing. Digging in with my head down with no intention of moving on until I’m sure I have everything just so. And on impulse, I have made a snap decision to two. Not quite sure which is the right way, but doggonit, someone has to do something so let’s just do it.
But on my best days I am the middle voice – think/do, ponder/do, research/do, pray/do – in each thing I do. And honestly, you can take that forward-slash out of each of those. I’m not aware of a particular moment where I move from ‘now I’m thinking’ to ‘now I’m doing,’ it’s more of a swaying. More like a jumping-the-waves feeling. Forward and back. In and out.
This seems to be part of my created nature, this operating from the middle ground. I find myself in the middle on lots of things. the moderator. the facilitator. the…peace-maker. And frankly, that middle place is often not that comfortable. You’ve got things, or people, bearing down on you from both sides. Threatening to crush you or perhaps trying to tear you limb from limb to get at the ones on the other side. But, from where I stand I can see something to love about both sides. I truly want them to hear each other and to see each other’s hearts. Perhaps if they’ll come close enough to me, the other will overhear.
For years I complained about being caught in the middle – all that crushing and wrenching. Until God changed just one word. “Wendy, you’re not caught in the middle, you’re placed in the middle.” And everything changed. If I was placed here, then I must have the resources to operate here. The waffling and uncertainty were all part of the territory. They were a package deal with the ‘hear everyone out.’
It does get exhausting. But it’s not my way to retreat to rejuvenate and then re-enter the fray. I can’t sit behind my dais to hear both sides and then retire to my chambers to make a firm and final decision. I need to be in the thick of it. So where does one find Sabbath?
I read today, Sabbath is not just a rest from work,
“Sabbath is also an experience of rest in the midst of work, contemplation in the midst of action, and receptivity in the midst of giving and serving.” ~ Kenneth H Carter, Jr.
It’s intended for us in the middle of things. Available to us in the midst. All I need to do is to remember to call on it then. Perhaps it’s the forward-slash I can’t quite describe – which seems to separate mind from body yet animates my transition from one to the other and back again.